some confustion

Well, at least it isn't just me. Last night we were supposed to bike. ML (formerly known as TNG) arrived late and I was relaxing in the convertible, reading and enjoying the beautiful afternoon air and sun. He arrived, we kissed and began to prepare for our usual 20 mile trek down the trail. Well, Mr. Forgetful discovered he'd left his biking shoes at home. So, I suggested we walk, since we couldn't bike and I didn't have running shoes.

Note to self: do not walk 4+ miles in flip flops. Not even in Nike flip flops. They are not meant for walking distances. I am sporting lovely blisters on the bottom of the ball of each foot. Oh yes, they had to match. Ouch. Actually I got up and walked the dog this morning - went about 2 1/2 miles and they didn't hurt in socks and running shoes. However, flip flops are not comfortable right about now.

There was confusion on my part too. His birthday dinner next Friday will be at his house. While we were chatting and snuggling in Starbucks after our walk, we got things all figured out. Since Thursday is a (jewish) holiday and since I neglected to ask for this week's holiday off, I worked. But, I just did a vacation audit and realized that before the end of the year, I have 9 vacation days, 2 personal holiday2 and 2 floating holidays to take. So...I am going to take Thursday and Friday off next week. That way, I can arrive at ML's house Friday morning and we can cook his birthday dinner together! How much fun will that be? His parents, brother, sis-in-law and their baby, his girls and hopefully his bf and his wife will all be there. It will be great - we will be the hosts and his family will be there to enjoy and celebrate both his and his mom's birthday! We have an entire extra day of the weekend to be together.

We had a really funny conversation yesterday. Since I am taking next Thursday off, I suggested that we go to breakfast together. We were going to meet at his house and go together from there. My brain, of course, is thinking - back to the house afterwards for a little adult fun. Well, ML was totally somewhere else. He said yesterday: "On Thursday, let's meet at the mall, go to the Flying Biscuit for breakfast, leave one car there and head over to the big REI (across town) for their sale." My response: raised eyebrows and, "Well, the honeymoon is over already, huh?" It was rather hilarious, as he was thinking shopping and I was thinking sex. Boy, was that a reversal of stereotypical roles! We did have a really good laugh over it, and I told him that since I was coming over early on Friday anyway, it would be fine to do that on Thursday. Funny, funny, funny.

happier than I thought possible

And at times, feeling like, "Why me?" Just what exactly, did I do, to deserve this amazing man and have him love me for exactly who I am? And when, is it all going to come crashing down around my ears?

Things are so incredible and I am not naive enough to think that much of the glow, excitement and fun is that initial "honeymoon" stage of nearly every new relationship. The great thing is, we both realize it and have talked about it. We have made a commitment to always share and talk and to never be complacent about things - our relationship included. He is so open, loving, attentive and caring - it is hard to believe he's the real thing. But I think we've spent enough time together for me to be able to tell if it were an act. Its not. He really is the real thing. We have yet to disagree about anything. That will be telling - our first disagreement and how we handle it.

It is now Tuesday and he is in Chicago on business. We are biking Thursday evening so that is when I will next see him. This coming weekend, we both have our kids so I don't know if I will see him at all, other than Sunday morning for another bike ride. But next weekend is his birthday and I am really excited about that. Friday night is the family dinner and I think it will be at his mom's house. Saturday morning is his nephew's christening and I will be attending that with him. Saturday night is a complete and total surprise for him. We are going to leave his house around 4:30 and head to PDK - a local, small, private plane airport. We will have an appetizer and champagne on the deck of a Greek restaurant that overlooks the runway. At exactly 6:00, a bi-wing, open cockpit plane will pull up to the deck and we will walk down the stairs and get on board for a sunset ride over downtown and Stone Mountain. The flight should last about 40 minutes. Hopefully it will be surprising, totally romantic and we will have wonderful weather. After the flight, I haven't yet decided what to do. His favorite restaurant is Rathburns and I am going to look and see if it would be feasible for us to dine there after the flight. Then we will retire to his house and I've told him that the rest of the weekend is completely up to him. I will do whatever he wants, cook whatever, hike, bike - it is HIS weekend!

absent...

I've been absent from blogging for most of this month. Its been kind of crazy with the kids both being injured from sports, school back in full swing and having a great time with TNG. We have done 2 half century bike rides this month and they have been really fun.

In other developments, we are really moving our relationship to the next level. I've met his parents, one of his brothers, three of his four kids, his best friend and his best friend's wife, who just so happens to be his ex wife's sister. Kind of odd that it worked out that way, but it is what it is. The bf and the ex's sister are really nice. I am deliriously happy in this relationship - he is amazing in so many ways.

Unfortunately I don't have time to blog everything right now as I have to get some work done, have a manicure and pedicure and get myself over to TNG's house - for the weekend! Can't wait.

accomplishments

That could describe this weekend.

Friday night was very quiet and relaxing. I watched Knocked Up, had a glass of wine and went to bed early. Saturday morning found me in the gym working out with one of my really good girlfriends. Saturday afternoon (and evening) I painted my bedroom. Yes, my entire 25'x15' room. It is huge and I did the entire thing. I've wanted to paint it for years and I finally did it, and am very pleased with the results.

Sunday morning TNG and I did 25 miles on our bikes and then relaxed at Starbucks. I stopped and brought brunch home for the kiddos and settled in to watch football for the remainder of the day and night. It is so great that football season has started! Gotta love that! My team won, and did so nicely.

Now its Monday and I am back to work. This week cannot go by quickly enough...as this coming weekend TNG are going to be together for the entire weekend! I can hardly wait. No meeting somewhere in between us, no deadlines to get home, no nothing that we don't want to or have to do. It is going to be all about us - being together and doing whatever we feel like doing. Sleeping in, working out, cooking, just hanging around. I can't wait! It sounds completely decadant and indulgent and we are both looking forward to it completely.

Bring on Friday!

tgif....

Well, TGIF and not-so-much.

TNG and I are going strong, really strong. It is simply amazing to me that he can and does articulate his thoughts and feelings so freely. He is open, honest, warm, wonderful, caring, considerate, and so many other adjectives that convey love and affection that should I continue (as I could) I would sound like a lovesick teenager. Which is how I feel sometimes anyway! We have so much fun together, yet we can talk seriously. We have such an amazing, strong physical attraction for each other, yet we can simply hold hands and be happy. We are both so excited for next weekend, as we are going to spend the entire weekend together. It will be lots of fun!

He likes my kids a lot. And I think they like him too. They haven't said a lot about him, but last weekend we took them out to dinner and we all had fun. In spite of the fact that the first two restaurants we tried were both closed! The kids laughed with him about movies they all like (and that I don't) and in general it was a really good time. Whew!

After the 47 mile bike ride from hell last Monday (hills not to be believed) I met his sister in law, brother in law and their daughter. They were all really, really nice - especially his bro-in-law who also happens to be his best friend. We had fun talking and relaxing and I think they were disappointed that I wasn't staying for dinner.

However, when we arrived back at TNG's house, his ex was there. She was blocking my car in the driveway so he had to get her to move it. When he called her and asked her to do so, she came out and hovered about so as to get a look at me (or so I felt...and he later verified). It felt very uncomfortable and a bit strange - almost as if I were under a microscope. However, she was nice and didn't bite me, so I guess it was ok in the end. Later that night, he confirmed that she wanted to see me, and she was surprised that I was "professional" looking - as in not a sleazy girl. Now, why...as wholesome and clean cut as TNG is - would she think he was going to be dating a floozy, I don't know. Very odd thinking. At any rate, she is now worried that he is going to move near me. How strange is that? We both have kids in HS, and we are both solid believers in getting the kids out of HS before any sort of move, or change in relationship status would/could take place. After all, the HS years go by so quickly....and what kind of parent would pull their kid out of his/her HS so that their own love life would be more convenient?

Talk about selfish - and self centered. We can still have a relationship, we can still be together, heck, now that my kids dad will be back in town soon...we will have every other weekend together - most married people don't get that kind of one on one time. And our relationship is still so new...its not a hardship to drive a distance, or meet somewhere in the middle. One day, all too soon, our kids won't be at home any more and then we can be together all the time, if that is what we want. And all signs are pointing to that happening.

I remain in awe. And full of gratitude.

triathlon...

The tri I've been training for finally took place. The weather was horrible - 25 mph wind gusts, rain - generally miserable. The wind was the type that blew open the door of your car as you tried to get out - it did this as we all exited to get Starbucks before the race.

Now, I've had a bet, made back in March with my buddy who I've done the last two tri's with. He, being 7 years younger, "gave me" 7 minutes in the race and thought he could still win. Ha! Nothing like a gauntlet laid down to get me up and motivated. I have trained hard on the bike and relatively hard for the run. He swims regularly. I swam two or three times. Long story short, I won by more than 6 minutes - without the 7 he spotted me. Granted, the chain fell off of his bike, BUT - I was knocked over by another cyclist. Knocked to the ground, and boy did it hurt. I was none too happy; he was very apologetic, but I wonder how much faster I could have been had the weather been good and I not been knocked over on the bike. I actually passed him during the run portion of the race - and couldn't believe it. An even bigger surprise: at the end of the race when our total times were posted I was in the top half of the 1,100 participants AND it was my fastest finish yet - even faster than when I did my first one in '05 and was in such good shape. I was completely surprised that I bettered my '05 time - and completely thrilled.

TNG was there, cheering me on and that was so awesome. (I'd asked Steeler Fan for the past several years to come down there with me, but he never would.) TNG wore a bright colored shirt, so that I had no trouble picking him out of the crowd. He took all sorts of photos and was so supportive and encouraging, it was great. Afterwards was the best. We returned to the hotel and I had to lay on the heating pad as my back was hurting. He said he had to go out and get Starbucks, but he came back with a dozen roses and a fabulous bottle of champagne! It was definitely my favorite triathlon experience ever!

training and teenagers

Well, an odd title but it isn't what you might think. Training refers to the biking TNG and I did last night - ending in the dark - I might add. We were going to take it easy, but darkness fell more quickly than anticipated and we had to hurry back. Afterwards we did our usual Starbucks run, only to see them clearing chairs, moving tables, etc. it looked as if they'd closed. So we did the next best thing - ice cream! Really yummy! And by the time we got back to Starbucks - they were still open. Its a good thing we both saw it, as no one would have understood had they not been there.

Once back at Starbucks, we snuggled in the front of my car. We had the windows all rolled down and a pleasant breeze was blowing through the car. This is where the teenagers part comes in - we sat in the car, kissing like two teens who have no place else to go. And since we live so far apart, we really don't! But the kisses, they are like no other I have ever had in my entire life. They touch me in a place that a kiss has never touched me before. We talked a bit about it, and he feels the same way. Its almost as if we make love with our kisses. He came up with that one, and it is so true. Our kissing is as intense as making love. It just blows my mind. He said something about us kissing like this when we are older and I asked if he meant that he wanted us to grow old together. His response, "I cannot think of anyone I'd rather grow old with." Wow. And as crazy as it seems to feel this way, this early in a relationship, I do too. He says that he is just going with the feelings and enjoying every step of the way, but at the same time he has said that he knows you can never become complacent or take things for granted. What a great combo. I remain in awe of this relationship.

monday, monday

A trip to the dentist for a filling, driving the kids to and from school, working, it is definitely Monday. Though after this weekend, the day almost felt calm in comparison. I feel like I did nothing but run errands all weekend. My eldest has a badly sprained ankle and is unable to drive. That hasn't been bad (well it is definitely bad that the ankle is sprained), as I've enjoyed drive time with her, but all of the errands and stuff that needed to be done this weekend seemed endless. Costco, the grocery store - at least twice - soccer practice, training for the tri this coming Saturday...cooking meals and of course, watching the Olympics. The Olympics are the fun part.

Friday night with TNG was great. Sushi, wine, being together - it was all good. Saturday I slept in really late, as I was tired. Yesterday TNG and I rode bikes together. It was fun, as always. We took it easy, as I am now tapering down on the hard training - the triathlon is this Saturday. TNG is going with me - and I am so happy about that. This morning he wrote me the sweetest email, get this:

"Baby, you are so ready for this Tri that I know you will do great. Next year will be even better since we will be training together. I will be waiting at the finish line for you. Remember, physically, you are prepared. Mentally, you are tough. There is literally nothing that can stop you."

How can I not believe in myself when he believes in me so strongly? Impossible. Strangely enough, I always wanted Steeler Fan to come with me, and he never would. So it is great that TNG is the first to come with me, support me and cheer me on. It feels fresh and new and its awesome. And next year he is going to do it with me!

the week in review...

It has been a pretty good week. The kids started school and things seem to be going well for them. Work has been quiet, I really wish the economy would pick up - continued employment is my biggest concern with the sluggish business continuing.

On the bright side, TNG and I continue to be deliriously happy together. It would be so nice if this initial, new-relationship euphoria could always be there. I know it wears off and things can still be great, but these feelings are really amazing. He made lunch for me on Wednesday and brought it over. Last night we biked and hung out afterwards. He made reference to participating with me, next summer, in the triathlon I am doing next Saturday. Then he said he would do it the year after, and the year after, etc. He makes me shiver when he references us being together forever. It stuns me that he can be so certain after we've only been seeing each other for 7 weeks. I am gun shy after the disastrous relationship with Steeler Fan. And he just seems too good to be true. The other shoe just has to drop at some point, doesn't it? Though it would be great if it didn't!

Tonight we are going out for sushi and then just relaxing at my house. It should be a lot of fun. The Olympics are on and we can just watch them and take it easy. The next month may be challenging as my kid's dad heads out of town for nearly a month. That doesn't leave much TNG time, especially on the weekends. I know its temporary, and he says that all will be well, where there is a will there is a way to be together...and there is certainly the will on both of our parts, so we will find a way. It is just more difficult, thats all. And it is temporary.

Can't wait for tonight!

saturday in the park

The fireworks continued. TNG picked me up early Saturday morning and after a proper greeting we headed up to the mountains for the entire day. The best way to describe the day, "magical." Truly. We talked, laughed, kissed, hugged, discovered new places, took photos, drank Starbucks, and just had an absolutely fantastic time.

I had an epiphany at one point - up until the moment we stood on a magnificent lot, overlooking the beautiful, Smoky Mountains, in the quiet air, gorgeous sunshine and sweet, summer breeze - I had never understood why people wanted houses up in the mountains, unless a very large mountain with many ski lifts was close by. I feel as if my life changed in the minutes we were standing on top of that mountain. Its difficult to describe, but things felt different after we stood there, arms wrapped around each other, gazing at the wonderous beauty of the mountains and sharing sweet kisses in the summer sun.

We then drove to a magnificent hiking trail, grabbed our cameras and took a hike. It was beautiful, peaceful and breathtaking. Towards the end, he said that he wanted to finish up, as he had a surprise for me back at the car. Well, Mr. Romantic pulled a backpack out of the car and we proceeded to a picnic table. There, he opened a bottle of wine and brought forth some fruit and cheese. We shared the wine and cheese by the river's edge, listening to the water flow over the rocks and talked about all sorts of things. He is so thoughtful, romantic, open, honest and loving - I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet. Funny, he told me that feels like the luckiest guy, so I guess we are a terrific pair.

We didn't get back to my house until after 11:00 and we showered and relaxed for a while. It was a long, fun, peaceful, exciting day and we were both pretty wiped out.

Sunday morning we met for a 21 mile bike ride - and that was great fun as well.

Now, back to the drudgery of the work week. Ah, Mondays. At least I have very pleasant memories of a fabulous weekend to propel me thru the week.

there's no place like home...

Finally! TNG is back in town and we are both very happy about it. He arrived late Wednesday evening, and we talked the entire drive home - he in his car, me lying in bed. One of the first things he did was ask if we could meet for lunch yesterday, and of course I said, "Yes!"

As I walked up to the restaurant, I was anxious, excited and so happy to be seeing him. He must have been watching for me, because all of a sudden he was there, right in front of me, 20 feet outside the door. As he wrapped me up in his amazing arms, in his strong, warm embrace, he leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Now, I am home." I just about melted into the sidewalk. Where does he come up with these wonderful, romantic, butterflies-in-my-tummy inducing things? He is so ... amazing. I just cannot convey how I feel when I am with him and how wonderful he is. That he could even say that he was home, now that we were in each other's arms - so special.

Then he said that tomorrow he wants to take me up to his favorite hiking, photo taking, hanging out place. It is about a 2 hour drive, he said I should bring the dog - who will love it - and my camera, too. He is coming to get me early in the morning and we are spending the entire day together. How much fun is that going to be?

Tonight I am taking a friend out to dinner, and then TNG is coming over. I am really beginning to like Friday nights :-)

bringing sexy back

Hehehe. My baby comes back to town tonight. I probably won't get to see him this evening, but soon - and at least we will be back in the same time zone.

Last night my son decided it was time to speak with TNG. So I called him, my son took the phone and told him that since we are now "officially dating" it was high time they meet and that TNG needs my son's approval. They decided this meeting needs to take place over dinner. My son is a hoot. TNG was impressed with his composure and his desire to make sure his mom is with a good guy. He reassured him that he will be good to me. How awesome that there are two guys in my life who want this for me. :-) In actuality, there are more than two, as I am fortunate to have several close guy friends....but these are the two that are the closest!

Gotta get back to work. I am so happy that TNG is on his way home!

my babies...

Its been a quiet weekend. A nice, quiet uneventful weekend. I have worked out, run errands, had Soccer Dad over for dinner last night and missed TNG like crazy. We are in communication several times per day, but I still miss him so much and cannot wait for him to get back from the west coast.



Last night was funny - I showed Soccer Dad TNG's picture and he tbought he knew him - they lived in the same part of PA when they were little. Turns out they didn't know each other, but it would have been really wild if they did! I took a bunch of photos of SD and we put them up on his match site. He just called me and told me he's had over 70 views ws of his profile and a whole bunch of emails since his new pics went up. He's back in the saddle after his experience with the crazy girl.



As I type, my littlest baby - the dog - is sitting on my lap, my youngest is with his dad, my eldest is in Europe and my baby - TNG - is out of town. I want them all back! Seriously - I am enjoying the heck out of the weekend...and don't really want it to end, except for the fact that it gets me a day closer to TNG's return.

nearly a week later...

TNG is just awesome. We continue to see each other and have a great time together each and every time. Friday night I went to my favorite Italian market and picked out some yummy treats for a picnic. We took the dog down by the river, sat on a blanket overlooking the river and ate our dinner while the dog ran around and tired herself out. We shared a bottle of wine and had a marvelous time.

We then went back to my house and were on the sofa watching tv when my eldest and her boyfriend came home from dinner and a movie. The guys stayed relatively late and the girls then went to sleep. Kind of odd, my boyfriend and my daughter's boyfriend in the house at the same time...

TNG is now out of town for more than a week. He was so sweet, he busted his butt to come over the night before he left. We have talked and texted but the three hour time difference makes it late night conversation time for me. He is working today and tomorrow, golfing at Torrey Pines on Friday (no, I am not feeling sorry for him) and then hanging out with his brother in law until next Wednesday. He told me that he'd planned this trip before we met...or he wouldn't have planned on being gone so long. I wish he weren't going to be gone so long, but the weekend he returns I have no kids, so hopefully we can have a nice time when he gets back here.

In the meantime a weekend looms with no plans. How nice! I think I may paint my bedroom. Its too damn hot outside to do anything else. Well, I will ride bikes on Sunday morning and will definitely make to to the nice gym at least once. I may see a movie Friday night, or a few friends and I were talking about scrapbooking Friday night. We shall just have to see how things develop.

Soccer Dad ended his "relationship" with Crazy Woman When Not on Her Meds. Geez, she has some sort of large issues. He is better off without her. She questioned his every move when he wasn't with him and that didn't go over too well. In essence, she thought he was lying to her about his whereabouts. Now mind you, they haven't even know each other 2 weeks, and they've fought at least twice. She is a scary person.

Gotta run. I would love to take a nap, but that won't happen any time soon.

Kids will be home later - yea!!

Wow...

Without sharing too much private detail, Friday was amazing. We had a great time and the best thing about all of it is our communication. We can and do, share anything and everything. I feel safe in his arms and in his heart. He is so open and honest about the way he feels, and after being with someone who couldn't do that at all, he is like a cool, refreshing breeze in the middle of a hot, dry desert.

So...last night we were on the phone together and my youngest child (14) came into my bedroom to borrow my laptop. TNG didn't realize my son was in my room, and as my son was leaving, I said, "I love you." TNG thought I was saying it to him. He responded in kind, saying "I love you, too". Of course, I had to blurt it out that I was talking to my son, which sent TNG into quite the uncomfortable back pedal. I hushed him and told him that I had nearly said 'I love you' to him last night (we went out to dinner) and don't worry, cuz I really am feeling like I love him. Once we got past that uncomfortableness, we continued on with our amazing connection on the phone. At the end of the conversation, he said "I love you" and I responded. WOW. It was only 3 weeks and 2 days ago that we first laid eyes on each other. We had emailed and spoken on the phone prior to our first meeting, but wow. And the strangest thing is, though its been such a short time that we've been together - we both feel like we've known each other forever and yet, not. We are definitely still getting to know each other, but the more we discover, the more we find we enjoy and cherish.

He is truly a gift in my world. Two months ago, I would have said you were smoking crack if you told me that my life could be this happy, this different, this amazing - after Steeler Fan dumped me.

We spoke last week, Steeler Fan and I. In an interesting twist, when he ended our relationship, it was so that he could get the things on his "list" done. He felt he had to make wholesale changes in his life: he wanted to lose weight and concentrate on getting back into shape, he wanted to work harder and smarter and advance his business, he wanted to spend some quality time with his children and get a laundry list of things done around his house. And he couldn't do them with me around. He couldn't do them with the 'responsibility' of a girlfriend, much less with the assistance of a girlfriend. So I felt I was dumped for a list.

At the time, he said that one day I would thank him for this, and my response was that I would never thank him for the way he did it. Flash forward two months: our conversation last week revealed nothing new about him, to me. He is still not taking proper care of himself, he hasn't lost the weight he wanted to lose, his list of 'house things to get done' is coming along, the girls are "fine" and in a very character revealing development, he is actually going to to to court with his ex wife over $200. Yes, a measly $200. It is sad that he would waste his time, effort, energy and money on something this trivial. There is a hardness and vindictiveness in his heart that I simply don't understand. Let it go. Just let it go and live.

The conclusion I drew from our conversation: though he was the one who wanted to make these changes, he has not changed one bit. And I, who was devastated by this breakup, have a new life. My house is getting back into shape, I am within a pound of my ideal weight and am in the best shape I've been in since my first triathlon in '05, I just bought my dream car, I (accidently) colored my hair (and had to go to my salon and fork over $120 to get it fixed!), I have a new attitude and a new lease on life. He hasn't changed. I have made profound changes.

I dated quite a few different people and learned a lot from them. I know what I want out of a relationship. I've been seeing a therapist for these past couple of months and I am now tapered from weekly visits to seeing her every 3 weeks. It feels amazing to be in a such a good spot, and he hasn't changed a bit. Ironic, isn't it? He wanted to make the changes, I didn't. He hasn't made the changes and I have.

Maybe I do need to thank him.

tonight's the night....

And I know it's gonna be all right. Even better than all right, actually.

TNG is coming to pick me up, we are headed to his favorite taco place for margaritas and dinner. Then back here for a slumber party! I must admit I am nervous and excited and so is he. We rode bikes again Tuesday night and had a blast, as usual. Afterwards, as has become custom, we went to Starbucks. We were smooching - just a little bit - and a lady at the table next to us (outdoors, mind you) said something to the effect of, "None of that now, or Knock that off" or something along those lines. Our response was to look at the group of mostly older-than-us people - giggle and kiss a bit more, just for good measure. It is amazing how much fun it is to feel like you are head over heels for someone. It's been a long time since I've felt this way and I like it and more importantly - him - a lot.

the difference

I have discovered the difference between a good first date and a great first date:

Good: you recognize him from his picture on the fitness singles website when he walks in the door, you have interesting conversation, he is smart and seems to be driven and focused in his career - he has a really cool, interesting job, he doesn't seem to be a psycho, when you offer to share the bill he agrees, (kind of odd), at the end of dinner he says "I've had a really nice time and I'd like to see you again", he walks you to the valet line and shakes your hand goodnight, repeating the fact that he'd enjoy getting together again.

Great: he meets you at the door of the restaurant as he made sure to arrive first so that you didn't have to wait alone, the conversation flows to the point that you are oblivious to the fact that the restaurant has been closed for 45 minutes, you discover so much in common that it is almost odd - right down to the fact that you're both left handed, when you offer to share the bill he is horrified, he walks you to your car and asks if he could give you a goodnight hug and when you agree he sneaks in a quick, sweet peck on your cheek, then another sweet, quick peck on your lips. You cannot wait to see him again.

This is what I have learned in the past couple of weeks. There is also an in-between. I am working on articulating that one.

the ex boyfriend, not husband

I got a text message from him...asking for a check. See, we bought a timeshare together about six months after we began dating exclusively. That's another lesson to remember - don't make a big financial decision while on a glorious vacation, with someone you've been dating for 7 months. Your judgement is clouded with lust, sun, sand and saltwater. At least mine was.

So, the only communication from him has been about money. Whatever.

TNG and I rode bikes yesterday. It was really fun (again) but it rained - very hard. So hard in fact, that we stopped under a bridge for shelter from the torrential downpour, which at that time was coupled with lightning. I got a really nice backrub. TNG is so sweet... however, I was disappointed to see that he wore a jersey with sleeves. We are riding again tomorrow night, so hopefully the sleeveless jersey will make an appearance along with his gorgeous arms.

After the ride, and my crash going around a corner on the wet, slippery pavement, we headed to ABC for lunch. Since I was soaked to the skin I ordered potato soup. It was yummy, but TNG said that he has a recipe that is better. This guy can cook, from the way it sounds. Then of course, we had to retire to his car for snuggling and smooching. And smooching. There is such chemistry between us, its hard to believe. And then, after all of the time we spent together yesterday morning and afternoon, (our 8:00 bike ride lasted until 2:00!) we were on the phone for an hour last night. *sigh* He makes it really tough to be "dating".

See, everything I read says the guy has to make the first move towards exclusivity. And while I would love to be in an exclusive relationship, I think its a bit early. And, I have a date tonight. With someone else. The sad thing is, I am not excited about it at all. The only person able to keep my interest in the slightest (other than TNG) is the guy who I met months ago while I was still in the relationship with Steeler Fan. This guy is adorable, charming, tall, dark and definitely handsome. I am not sure, but he might be a bit on the flaky side. Can't quite figure that one out yet. At any rate, he is the one I went out with last week on Wednesday night. We had a great time and Thursday he flew up to MI to spend 10 days at his sister's lake house. So he won't be back until the end of this coming weekend. By then, I will have seen TNG at least 2 more times, had a date with New Mexico Guy (tonight) and I am supposed to meet one other person on Saturday for a drink. I am hoping to cancel that one...because I know that this Friday, TNG is...drum roll...staying over. We want to spend as much time together as possible on Saturday and it would be great if Friday night leads to Saturday night too. But, I doubt it will. We shall see.

I am rambling all over the place here, so I am just going to sign off for now.

update.....

When I last posted, TNG and I were going riding. We did, and we had fun. Even with me getting flat tire 5 miles from the end of the ride, we had a great time. Thankfully, I only had to walk the last 1/3 mile, and TNG was awesome - he took my shoes and helmet and carried them for me while we pushed our bikes together for the last little bit.

However, we nearly didn't get to ride - when I pulled into the parking spot next to him, I nearly stroked out -- he was wearing a sleeveless jersey and his arms are so amazing! His butt looked pretty darn great in his bike shorts too. Give me a cold shower! After the ride we went to Starbucks and got coffee and dessert. We took it outside, as they were getting ready to close. Fortunately it began to rain and we had to get in his car - fortunately I say, because it provided the opportunity for lots of snuggling and kissing. His kisses are so passionate, they leave me weak in the knees.

We are riding again Sunday morning and next Tuesday night. Friday is our next big date - and I think it could really be a big one.

biking

Tonight Tuesday Night Guy and I are biking on the Silver Comet Trail. We will meet there at 7:00 and ride about 20 miles. I love that trail and am very much looking forward to the ride and of course, to seeing him again.

Unfortunately, last night I had one of those god awful 'episodes' with these damn fibroids. It was so bad that I called and spoke with the doctor on call - to see what else could be done. She told me to double up on the lortab, so I did. Finally, that (and a couple of beers) knocked me out. Soccer Dad had a date last night and was in pretty much constant touch with me all evening. He rated it a 5 or 6. I feel bad that he was so nervous - but heck, he hasn't dated in 20-something years. All this dating stuff is new to him too. He was so cute - asking me all kinds of questions about what to wear, should he kiss her goodnight, etc. My oh-so-astute daughter told me that she thinks he wants to date me. She is funny that way - so much more in tune with what is going on than I ever was at her age. He and I have had that discussion - in no way is he ready to be in an exclusive relationship - he needs to be out there, dating and figuring out what exactly he wants in his 'new world'. And quite honestly - I need to do the same thing.

Its odd that I haven't heard from Harley Guy. I am kind of disappointed that I haven't heard from him since he went fishing. He's got to be back in town by now, I mean, he has a job...but oh well. This whole dating thing is kind of weird...I was really enthusiastic at first, but its a lot of WORK. I didn't expect it to be work. And now that I've met TNG and seen him twice, am going riding with him tonight...I've kind of lost my enthusiasm to work to meet anyone else. There just isn't enough time to do everything!

I've been invited by another guy out to dinner on Monday night (my next night without kids). I haven't said yes, yet. But feel like I should - if for no other reason than to just keep my options open. The only thing that makes me nervous about TNG is that his divorce is not final. I know he hasn't dated a lot, and I don't want to be his rebound girl. So, I guess I need to say yes to meeting this other guy for dinner. His name: New Mexico Guy - he moved here from NM for his dream job (and it's a really cool job, actually). He is the Asst. General Manager of one of the largest sports/entertainment arenas in the city. It would be interesting to just hear about his job. I am going to say yes.

More to come....

fireworks and then some....

Second date with Tuesday Night Guy was great! We met for a sushi dinner and afterwards he suggested coffee and dessert at Starbucks. I agreed and off we went - together in his car. We snuggled together on the same side of the table, with his arm wrapped around my shoulders and shared our first kiss - in Starbucks! Kind of funny, very sweet, and a big plus - he is a really good kisser. *sigh* It's been so long since I felt the excitement and anticipation of a first kiss, and to have it be so good - don't underestimate it's power. Very nice.

We eventually made our way back to his car where we talked and kissed and talked and kissed, drove back to the restaurant, and talked and kissed and ah....sooo nice. It was really hard to part ways and he told me that it was the best second date he's ever had in his life. *how aweome* We have plans to bike ride on the Silver Comet Trail one night this week (he told me that it doesn't count as a date). It should be fun. He also asked if I would like to have a third date - OF COURSE my answer was a resounding, "Yes!" Then he did a very thoughtful, very sweet thing - he told me that for our third date, I needed to do something. That something: come up with what I want to do. Whatever it is - he will make it happen. He will pick me up, and take me - wherever I want to go and do whatever I want to do. Wow - I feel the pressure to plan something really cool!

TNG has got amazing arms, sensous lips, totally muscular legs and a really tight butt. Geez, it was tough to keep under control - we were standing in a parking lot groping each other and making out like two horomone crazed teens! On one hand we laughed at ourselves and on the other it was frustrating as the desire was definitely there - but the setting wasn't right to do anything about it. That is a good thing too - as I wouldn't want to sleep with him on our second date. Well, I wanted to, but didn't want to. What an odd juxtaposition. We definitely are not playing games with each other, and I really love that. We've both made it very clear that we are totally into each other, we really like being together and that we can't wait to see each other again. How refreshing.

I am excited to ride on the Silver Comet this week with him, and even more excited to see him for our third date!

What a nice end to our nation's birthday weekend.

:-)

fireworks

They were set off yesterday in celebration of our wonderful nation's birthday. And I think they will be set off again this evening in celebration of my 2nd date with Tuesday Night Guy. *smile* We are meeting for sushi and I think we are both pretty excited about it. He called a little while ago to confirm our plans and to give me directions. The biggest downside of dating this guy is that we live quite a ways apart. But...that can be dealt with if everything goes as well as it did on our first date on Tuesday.

I am hoping for a first kiss tonight - it is so strange - I haven't anticipated a first kiss in AGES. It feels really good! Just hope I'm not disappointed - and I don't mean by the kiss, I mean by not getting one! He is really cute and even more important, really funny. And he's funny in a nice way - not too self deprecating, not making fun of me, just funny. For example: he has kind of blondish brown hair and green eyes. He's about 5'11" and has, perhaps, the best arms I've ever had the pleasure of dining with! In his profile he states: "I am active, and enjoy biking, hiking, golf, etc. and I 've been told I look nothing like George Clooney." I don't know why, but that made me LOL! At any rate, I am excited about this date and will report in later.

:-)

what a week!

What a difference a week makes! Last week on Wednesday I was still recovering, beginning to strongly feel like "I am back!" And indeed, the more time passes by, the better I feel. Its nice.

The trip to see BFF was great. There is nothing like time on the beach with your best girlfriend to eradicate the bad memories of your last trip to the beach with your now former boyfriend. For a while I thought I'd never stop hurting. Now, its exciting to live again! I mean really live. I am enjoying each day without worrying that I am going to say something that will make him mad, or set him off on a tirade. This coming weekend is a holiday and quite frankly, a month ago I would have dreaded it without Steeler Fan in my life. Now, I have a list of activities, projects and things to do that is so long - I can't begin to accomplish everything on it! It's great. I know I'll knock some of the stuff off of it, enjoy some spontaneous fun activities and get a lot of exercise, too.

In the meantime, Tuesday I met a guy for dinner. We met on-line, exchanged quite a few emails and then spoke on the phone, which is when we set the date. Tuesday night was really fun. Without even realizing it, we were amongst the last customers in the restaurant! We talked and laughed for more than three hours straight. He is funny, kind, considerate, athletic and a lot of fun! It seems like he plays no games, either. That is refreshing. Before we left the restaurant, he told me that he'd had a great time and he'd like to get together again. I agreed. He walked me to my car, asked if he could give me a hug, and did so - while sneaking in a peck on my cheek. *sweet* Then he kissed me very briefly on the lips. There is something to anticipation - I can't wait to see him again.

I figured with this silly ass "guys shouldn't call before 3 days after the date" rule - that I wouldn't hear from him right away. Well - he emailed me Wednesday night, said again he'd had a great time and wanted to get together. Then he emailed and called me today. We talked for nearly an hour and...we are having dinner Saturday night, and biking one night next week. :-)

Gotta get some sleep. Running a 10K first thing tomorrow. Wish me luck.

phone fallout

Remember the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie gets dumped by a post-it note on her computer? The new equivalent: getting dumped by a text message.

I was dumped via a text message. By a guy I've been seeing "exclusively" for more than 2 years. This is the same guy I dubbed Steeler Fan in an earlier post. Do we think there is a problem here? After the last month of "taking a break" and my angst of trying to date, trying to remain friends with him, and trying to maintain my sanity - its over. Its done and I am relieved.

Girls - don't ever try to remain friends with someone who is trying to figure out his life, who tells you that you are free to date, but at the same time says he doesn't want to see other people and doesn't have time to see other people. RUN - in the opposite direction - to preserve your own sanity.

These dating books that tell you to put yourself first - DO IT. Guys have been doing it for years. I finally did it this morning with Steeler Fan. I took control, and it felt as if the world has been lifted off of my shoulders.

As I said to my BFF: "I am back". And boy does it feel good!

make new friends, but keep the old...

One is silver and the other gold. Again, memories. Suffice it to say that old tune was the theme of my day yesterday - one of the most fun days I've had in quite some time. My house was full of old and new friends and it was just great to hang out with everyone. More details at another time.

ON THE OTHER HAND....RUN FROM THESE 'FRIENDS' AS FAST AS YOU CAN:

The first word in this blog's title is dating, and it SUCKS. Just saying. I confess - I've got a profile on match.com It hasn't been too successful quite honestly, and I don't know why. Maybe I need a more casual photo.

The guy I met today told me that I am much prettier in person than in my pics. *nice* However, he wouldn't stop touching me. It was kind of creepy. We met at Starbucks - a safe, open place with other people around. If the guy learned more than 3 things about me in an hour +, it would be miraculous.

I am however, the priveledged recipient of the following knowledge: he hates America and the way we care for our elders, he cannot afford the $3K/month to care for his 93 year old mother in a nursing home, I have no busines buying the BMW convertible I've been lusting after for two years (that I WILL buy) because they are impractical in this climate, he broke his arm when he was 13 and it made him ambidexterous, he hates managing people (gee, ya think?), he is amazing at what he does, he only pursues women with whom he feels a very, very strong 'connection', and he doesn't like to plan anything in advance - he does things on his schedule. And this guy seemed NORMAL in his profile.

NOW - had I been able to get a word in edgewise, I might have had some kind of connection. No, probably not. Actually, no, definitely not. My first reaction was that he lied about being 5'7". I am 5'5" and easily as tall, if not taller than he. After my divorce I create a rule: NO SHORT GUYS. My height minimum requirement for a date is 5'10" and I prefer taller than that. No more Napolean complexes for me, baby. If he shot down one more thing I said I was going to loose my temper. No matter what it was, he had a correction, improvement or could top my statement. Mostly corrections. I cannot believe he told me not to get the car I've been lusting after for years. He just met me! What the f*ck does he know about what I've been thru, done, etc. to want to reward myself with that car?

The audacity of it all. This evening he sent an email asking if I was simply cautious or just not into him, and he asked me to be honest. I can at least give him that - no game playing. I do admire that. However, there isn't too much else I admire about him. He is very impressed with himself. I truly spoke about 15-20% of the words that were spoken in the conversation. No wonder he had a great time - he likes to hear himself speak.

In the meantime....I've got Soccer Dad frantically searching for a hotel at the beach for July 4th weekend. You know what? I don't want to go. It's going to be tough to tell him I don't want to go. But quite simply - I think today I discovered that I am not ready. That horrid experience with Napolean this afternoon left me almost ready to call Steeler Fan in tears and beg him to cancel this 'taking a break' bullsh*t. And if something that *simple* can cause those types of thoughts - when I know SF is NOT the right guy for me - then I realize I am not ready for a whole lot right now.

Maybe there is something to celibacy after all. I told Best Girl Friend that I was going to buy a variety of vibrators and pretend that they are different sexual experiences. Then I won't have to deal with all of this dating stuff. Dating is more work than a relationship. And vibrators will let you talk ALL YOU WANT.

Weekend update....HA! If that doesn't bring back memories.

It's actually not even the weekend, but I do have plans for tonight! I am going to a girlfriend's house to scrapbook. Don't laugh. For us, scrapbooking involves copious amounts of wine, fun food and good conversation. Fortunately or unfortunately Black Lab Guy is sure to come up as subject matter, as this friend's husband is the guy who emailed BLG and told him he'd better be good to me. We shall see what he has to say for himself. And why would BLG not ask me out for this weeekend? I don't get it. Oh well....let it go.

Soccer Dad called this afternoon and has been searching for hotels for the 4th of July weekend. I kind of forgot I'd said ok to that. Hey, I've known him for years and years and think that we would really have fun together...so why am I still wishing it was BLG who wanted to take me to the beach for the weekend?

Further developments...gorgeous guy from the fitness singles site and I exchanged about 10 emails before he emailed me his phone number and said to call him. Turns out he road bike races and is doing the 6 Gap ride in September. It is an incredibly difficult ride. Also turns out he is ranked 2nd in points in the state of FL for 45+ road racers. Trouble is - he is basically nearly unemployed - he renovates bathrooms for a living, and the market for such work is very slow now, with the economy and the housing market in the tank. And, he sounds like a redneck when he speaks. I can deal with a sexy southern drawl (like X-box Guy's when he's had a couple of cocktails) but not an uneducated sounding redneck drawl. He wasn't very articulate nor was he a skilled conversationalist. So, he's off of the 'potentials' list. He did ask if he could get in touch with me closer to the time of the 6 Gap. I said yes, as it could be fun to see the finish or even a couple of stages of the race. However....no potential LT material there. Too bad, I bet he's in great shape with all of the biking he does.

That's about all for now. Gotta shower, I walked the dog a little while ago and am a sweaty mess. TTYS...

TGIF Indeed

Its been kind of a wild week around here. I had a great date Monday night. I'll call him Black Lab Guy - due to his dog. Dinner, hanging out...it was all good. He called Tuesday afternoon to tell me a mutual friend had emailed him and told him he'd better treat me right - thanks, Dr. J!! It's nice to know your friends have your back. I really like this guy. He is newly divorced even though his wife has been moved out and gone for 3+ years. He wants to date others but said he'd sleep only with me. I don't understand guys.

Tuesday night was awesome. I went w/a guy friend (Soccer Dad) on a long walk by the river. We picked up sandwiches at a pizza place, put them and a bottle of wine in my backpack and took my dog on a great walk by the river. I love the water. It was such a peaceful evening. I feel like I can talk to this guy about anything and everything...except my dating life. There are some sparks between us, but I think he feels them more than I do. He wants us to go to the beach for a weekend together. I know we would have a great time together, but hesitate in doing so because I don't want him to get the idea that I am ready for a relationship with him. We talked about the demise of my recent relationship with the Steeler Fan. A lot. He told me that I need to quit beating myself up about it. He's right, but I feel so, so...I really don't know what I feel. I miss him so much, yet I hate what I put up with from him. And I hate that I allowed him to talk to me the way he did. And I hate being alone. My life felt more full with him in it. We were constantly making plans to do fun things and there is this ... void. A really big void that I cannot seem to fill. I feel like a piece of me is missing. Not that the piece is - him. Just a piece of me is gone.

Wednesday and Thurday nights I went out with girlfriends. Both nights were a lot of fun. Tonight is Friday and I've got no plans. That is difficult. It is hard to not call Steelers Fan as we've gone to the movies on Friday nights for years. I'd really like to call Black Lab Guy, but all of the dating without drama rules say that I cannot. I need to let him reach out to me. He is kind of shy, but hell - he's going out of town next week and so am I, so I'd really like to see him before we both go out of town. It will be mid July before I have a weekend without kids again...

The on line thing is still so new to me and its kind of odd. I am told by some that there are lots of really old photos posted and that people aren't truthful. If this is the case - WHY BOTHER? When you finally meet face to face its going to be revealed that you lied, posted old pics, whatever. Geez.

This morning I got an email from a guy who is gorgeous in his photos! I mean movie star good looks. He is from the fitness singles site. They are the best looking of all of the dating sites. This guy didn't fill in most of his profile. Nothing about a job, etc. and he lives about 5 hours away. He is probably an unemployed actor or something.

I am supposed to meet with a guy from match.com on Sunday. We got along well on the phone and he actually used the word 'inexplicable' correctly in a sentence and spelled it correctly - big bonus points. God what has my social life come to?

This post is rambling on without a point so I think I am going to hit publish and go from there.

first post....

First post...it sounds so...intimidating. This blog is being started to share my experiences with others, and hopefully to link up with some like-minded women (and men, if they blog about dating, kids, dogs, etc.!) so that I can learn from them.

About 5 years ago my marriage started to fall apart. I am not going to delve into the reasons here, but suffice it to say that at first I clung to what ended up being a bad relationship, just to have a relationship. I'd like to think I learned a lesson from that - but guess that I have to learn things the hard way, as I just ended a relationship that I knew (for a little while) wasn't right, but held onto for too long because quite frankly, I really liked the guy most of the time, and the sex was great. At first the relationship was great - exciting, fun, he made me laugh so hard my stomach would ache, we liked - no loved - so many of the same things. We were very compatible in many ways.

So, to a newly divorced woman, he seemed, and he was, a great guy. For a long time he was a great guy. Then the cracks began - he had a very short fuse. He was never physically abusive, but he would yell - not at me - at traffic, at stupid things - and he dropped the f bomb regularly. Now, I have been known to drop it myself...but not like he did. It peppers his regular speech. I've always told my kids that there are appropriate times to use most any word, and that even sometimes the f bomb can be effectively dramatic and emphasize a point. But to use it liberally is just offensive. I should have clued in to this...but love is sometimes blind, deaf and dumb.

He was and is emotionally closed up tightly. He could rarely say "I love you" unless it was said to him first. He could say it to his dog all the time - and when I asked him why he could easily tell the dog he loved her, but not say it to me - his response was (again why didn't I really LISTEN?) "The dog isn't going anywhere." I wasn't planning on going anywhere either, but in the end I wasn't given that choice.

He incessantly teased me about my past relationships. He nicknamed all of the guys I had dated prior to dating him exclusively. The younger, cute guy he named X-box Guy, because of his youth; the first guy I dated after my marriage ended was dubbed Rebound Guy. I should have picked up on his insecurity, well I actually did pick up on it - but chose to ignore it and deemed it that he just wanted reassurance that he was the guy I wanted to be with. And I did my best to let him know he was the one, but in the end he chose not to be the one and drove me away with his insecurity, his impatience and his controlling, dominant attitude.

Most of all, in the end it was his complete and total lack of empathy that ended it. Sadly, he doesn't recognize this as an issue. When I was telling him about a situation that tore at my heart - his response was to "just don't go there if you don't like it". The sitation was seeing a child that was sick, and the memories it elicted in my heart. "Just don't go there." How could I not give this child a hug and be there to see him? His parents are my friends, he is friends with my son, how could I just take the easy way out and not be there? Why was it wrong to have emotions about seeing this child? Why couldn't he just say, "Gosh, that must have been difficult." Am I expecting too much?